Longing & Loss Poems

I am an anchor in the ocean I'm sure there's a boat above I cannot crane my neck to look Just trust me, its there It stays above me in the ocean Held firm by my grip Saltwater in my fractures Rust heavy on my skin I am an anchor in the ocean There must be a boat on this chain Why else do I sit here waiting Can metal rot amid the waves If there's no boat on the ocean And I am waiting here alone One day my boat might come back And give me purpose once again

What fear has he, this man in white He knows not of such hallowed rite As dancing shadows, dwindled light Covens empty, woeful sight

What fear has he, this man anew Lost in this darkened forest, true They see his trembling fingers blue Welcome him with broth and brew

What fear has he, this man aglow What dying light, time's weary foe Desperate, demands they keep him so Poultice, enchantment, witchcraft lo

What fear has he, this man gone cold Relying on this magic old They will not save him, foolish gold Means naught to them, his lies are bold

What fear has he, this man in black Dance along the devil's track Tarred and burnt and on the rack They do not miss his pious back

We tried to write each other every month When you said you'd be leaving school that day You were my best friend, my world, my love once

Remember how I asked if you could stay So time would never force us both to drift But hug we did and then you went away

As with all things, the days, they caused a rift Each letter from we two grew less and less Until that final sharp and sudden shift

I have no knowledge now of who you are But once upon a time you were my star

The ghost of a tree stands on a hill Brittle branches tremble, shake A lifetime's history in its quake It reaches out beyond the hill I know not what for, it reaches still Phantoms of its fallen kin Taint the roads with where they've been A world apart and yet it still Stands and sways upon a hill

I am falling into her An orbit of my own design A slow descent into madness Reach for what she cannot define

An orbit of my own design She watches and she waits Reach for what she cannot define More taken, less still to take

She watches and she waits She'll never reach for me More taken, less still to take Her inevitability

She'll never reach for me Maybe I'll never reach her Her inevitability In freefall; lost to the void

She walks away She leaves, and she does not look back She walks away Too many eyes, could not make her stay She closed the book, an echoed crack She walks away She leaves and she does not look back And no one asks if I'm okay

All I can do is stare If I move now, I'll make it worse All I can do is stare I watch the door shut—tense, aware Their eyes judge me, a teenage curse All I can do is stare If I move now, I'll make it worse Silence deafens, more than I can bear

The mirror reflects my face I don't think I recognise her The mirror reflects my face Bruised, tear streaked, replaced The mirror reflects my face I don't think I recognise her And after her I chase

Am I a prisoner when I keep coming back Fall on my knees, worship at your altar When the sun sets and the world fades to black The only time your hand won't falter Who holds these chains Who owns me Venom in my veins I am rotting where you hold me Moth to a lamp or a spiders web Victim or a glutton My deference begins to ebb My forgiveness sudden So I am here, and have been here And will be evermore You kiss me sweet and hold me dear The inmate you abhor

Her touch feels like a vodka shot It burns my throat in the best way Pools low in my stomach in the worst way And whether I spit her up or keep her down She's always temporary

I burn with shame and something more But still—I make it easy Each taste no easier than the first And yet—I spread and open wide She fills my glass again

So yet again I join the queue This bruised and broken bar Present myself her regular My aching skin her tabletop Her hand feels like a vodka shot

It was only supposed to be one night a month I let myself feel everything I want Imagine a world I am free from this cage of my body One night of hunding for myself, only the moon as my witness This skin feels too tight

You never knew how to look at me Once you saw that I was broken I became a fractured, painful thing Reminding you you'd failed

Once you saw that I was broken You stopped asking about my life Reminding you you'd failed to see What happened to me back then

You stopped asking about my life And now I don't know how to share What happened to me back then Who I even am today

And now I don't know how to share So you have to relearn Who I even am today What I value, what I love

So you have to relearn How to talk to me What I value, what I love A being from another world

You've ruined me, you know For subtlety. For sense. So kiss me now my dear To hell with the pretense